I love you to tears

Today marks 102 days of ankle injury! We are closing in on 15 weeks.

That is a lot of time and I am still not healed. The good news is that I haven't seen Steph for two weeks. Our schedules don't match up, but it's not the worst thing because I'm not feeling an insane amount of pain. It seems to actually be getting better and I can go longer than three days without needing a physio session.

On Wednesday at the Jays game I walked up a tall flight of stairs and only clued in at the top that I should be taking it easy because of the ankle. There was no struggle. I didn't need both feet on a single stair. I felt accomplished, and very proud of myself that I could finally tackle them.

That being said, I'm still not 100%. I twinge, and the pain radiates, and I can't wait for it to go away. I know I'll be one of those people that feels weather change in my joints, and I know that the few bumps on my ankle are not likely to disappear.

After a long hiatus (almost 2 weeks) and a hint from my aching hips, I tackled the yoga studio again last night. Guess what? I cried! Of course I cried, that last class was a fluke. It feels nice to be back to my normal crazy self. It wasn't the first cry of the day either. I went to church with my Mimi earlier in the day and balled my way through the entire service as well. Tears are really beginning to be a common theme here on (o)TRT.

Well since I've started, I might as well continue with the water works. If you visit here often, you'll know that it hasn't been the easiest summer for my family. In the matter of a month we have lost five people very dear to our hearts, and have found out very sad news about another sweet little girl. It all takes such a toll, and I've been left to question why. It is a difficult thing to go through on its own, and then add recovery on top of that.

I've found an escape in writing, this blog helps more than you'll know, and doing things that I hope make other people smile. I've left Operation Beautiful notes around town, written for Healthy Living Blogs about what health means to me, and just today submitted a post for Faces of Beauty.

Heather began her site for everyone and anyone to realize the true beauty they possess. For 14 years she suffered from an eating disorder and refused to call herself beautiful. She encourages women and men to write why they are beautiful and submit it along with a makeup-less photo to accompany their words.

Here goes another attempt to help me along:

At a very young age I was praised for my looks. A porcelain doll, with flowing dirty blonde locks and deep dimples; I was the centre of attention where ever my mother took me.

It didn’t last; my sensitive eyes were hidden in tinted glasses to protect them from the sun. My “baby fat” never disappeared and once the baby part was no more, it wasn’t that cute.

From the age of 10 I remember the negative self-talk. I was never pretty in my own skin.

I loved, and still love my personality (I best describe it as sassy) but fifteen years later in a vain world, I still have a hard time accepting the true beauty that I hold on the outside.

I’m the person that finds the most beautiful things in other people, but need little daily reminders to help me realize that I shine from the inside and out.

This is me. No makeup, no touch ups, just me.

 When I look at this picture, I know:

I love my eyes, because they are as indecisive as my mind. They aren’t sure if they want to be green or hazel, and change their colour often.

I love my mole that sits above my lip on the left side, because it breaks up the symmetry of my face even though I fear one day it will grow a witch’s hair.

I love my dimples, because they make me unique. I like that not everyone has them, and they are a true reminder of my childhood ‘cute’.

I love my nose, though you’ll never hear me admit it out loud, because it is off centre and large, and adds so much character to my face.

I love the scar through my left eyebrow, because it reminds me of my clumsiness and makes for a great story. The short of it: I fell down a flight of stairs and hit my head on a rock when I was 3.

I love the imperfections and red spots on my skin, because I’m not trying to be perfect, and they remind me to always wash my makeup off my face before I fall asleep.

I love that I look almost identical to my mother, because she has to be one of the most beautiful people I know.

I love my roots, because they tell secrets. No, my natural hair colour isn’t white!

I love that this post took hours, many tears and many Kleenex to write, because to heal you have to feel, and I experienced every emotion possible.

I am a work in progress, a mess at best, but l love me and my beautiful face. 

I am so thankful for people like Heather and Lindsey for starting such inspirational blogs that connect similar people. Just reading the stories of contributors make my heart smile. There are so many strong people in the health and fitness blog community that have such powerful stories of success. An inspiration to say the least. 

If you ever need a reminder of just how beautiful you are, please feel free to ask me.  

A hat, a bat, and that's not all

I'm home, but not without a few more eventful days in Boston.

Sunday had to be the craziest day. In my books you can't have a summer trip to Beantown with out a trip to visit this Monstah:

It was a VERY rainy day and the start of the game got delayed from 1:35 to 3:15 because of the water works. Thanks goodness for covered seats, sister and I stayed remotely dry while we waited.

Being from Toronto with the dome, I'm pretty spoiled that I don't ever have to worry about weather getting in the way of my baseball. I also would never be able to witness this:

So freakin' neat to watch them uncover and fix up the field. It takes a lot of man power!

Game on! Gaaammme oonnn! (a la Wayne's World road hockey).

It was an experience and a half being at such an old stadium, historic with so much character! At the top of the third, there was yet another rain delay and the tarp went back out. This one lasted an hour. Oh did we ever get our money's worth. The ball game took six hours to play.

Too bad that the Jays lost because of one bad inning from Marcum. He was pitching so well, I'm not going to hold it against him. I've got another Jays game to see tonight! I'm partial to my BlueJays home games with OK Blue Jays playing at the seventh inning stretch instead of "God Bless America"

We weren't the only Jays fans in town, in fact we saw Paul Molitor. 

While I was being creepy and taking pictures of strangers on the street I found this lovely character. I'd like flowers from a man, his woman is quite lucky.

Yes, I realize I'm so so creepy! But I did think it was so sweet!

We spent another day at Target on Monday before heading home. I loved my trip, but I also love being home.

This was me in a coffee shop, writing posts and emails! The Hyatt really needs free wifi for their peeps!

I'll get back to blogging regularly about my ankle tomorrow, I just had to catch up with the rest of my trip.

Speaking on my ankle. It hurts, but not as much as it did on Monday. Once we flew home on Monday night I couldn't find a comfortable way to sleep without waking myself up in pain. I couldn't prop it up, I couldn't keep it in a brace, no socks, no no-socks, no pain gels, or drugs, nothing! I am happy to say that the last day and a bit have reduced the pain and the swelling I saw in it. I think the trip over did it. Again we rest. 97 days of hell.

I'll leave you with a video of my all-time favourite Blue Jay. The one, the only Mr. Kelly W. Gruber!

I think I'll go to Boston

Dear Boston, I love you!

It’s been a spectacular three days so far in Boston; Sister and I are having a great time. Our feet hurt, we’re tired, we have weird burns. It couldn’t be any better.

The ankle is holding up pretty well, and I’ve only had to put the brace on twice. Both of those were near the end of the day after LOTS of walking. One thing we quickly realized once we were here is that EVERYONE jaywalks. Each hustle on the street has gone well - no pain from the quick jog across the block.

It was an early morning on Thursday, but we were excited to get to the airport and get on our way.

I always hate leaving my gorgeous city, but my memories of Boston made it easy to leave this sight:

Day 1: we took it pretty easy.

We checked into our gorgeous hotel, walked along Boylston St., shopped on Newbury St., and dined at Faneuil Hall.

The seafood is something spectacular, but what do you expect when they pull it straight out of the water beside you?!

Day 2: we packed from top to bottom.

We got our bearings straight at breakfast with free wifi at Starbucks. Our hotel, though amazing (hello, Hyatt) and discounted (thank you Blazers lacrosse), charges $10/day for Internet access. Are you kidding me? There are over 250 hotspots within walking distance. Who would pay?

With lists and maps in hand we ventured out to be the best tourists we could be - snapping photos and exploring markets. 

Then I made an appearance on FOX national news. 

Topic of the day: what do you think about the recent study about single old women as cougars?

Really? This was made for me! I wish I saw the segment. My pretty hilarious answer touched on how it has to be true, or else I would have no goals for my future. Reporter dude then asked how one prepares to be a cougar. You start as a puma of course! In your 20s you prey on those in the younger 20s maybe even 19. Don’t think he was expecting me, but it made for some good TV. You’re welcome, reporter dude! Now, I just need to date someone younger….34? Isn’t younger!

We made it to Whole Foods in search of goodies and lunch.

YUM! And we enjoyed it in the beautiful Boston Commons. 

After changing shoes and outfits, we took a ride on the Duck tours. Nothing screams tourist more than an organized city tour (actually a fanny pack and a visor does, but I refuse to venture there).

Quack Quack! This vehicle shaped like a duck drives around the streets then plunges into the Charles Rivah…ahem, river. My R’s are escaping me here in Bahstan.

I’m glad we did it, and I’m glad we got to sit for over an hour. You learn a bit more than if you walked around alone, and got to see some beautiful sights.

Day 3: we think our feet have fallen off.

We decided to explore the subway system…or the “T”. Verdict: love it! It was so easy to understand, simple to transfer, quick and comfortable. Our first stop?

HARVARD! Such a pretty campus – but huge, confusing and pretentious.

We didn’t stick around too long, before getting back on the T and heading to the Happiest Place on Earth. TARGET!

Of course Sister and I would find a Target! We emptied our wallets and were pleased to do so. I was doing pretty well with budgeting until today. I can’t control myself at Target, but when I think about the quantity I bought for the price I paid, I’m very impressed with myself.

Though exhausted, we decided to make one last T stop at the library before heading back to the hotel. We saw a sign for a vintage postcard exhibit and just had to go see it.

Feet were on fire by this time, so we decided to stop for a bit in the garden. Guess what? I’ve found the place I’m going to get married. Didn’t know I was planning a wedding? Either did I! Doesn’t matter, I now have a location.

We’re taking it easy tonight. Dinner and a bit more shopping, we have to pick something up for dad. Mom got slippers from Boston College.

Tomorrow we’re headed to the Sox game; we’ve got our tickets and are fully outfitted for the game. Still need to check out the Swan Boats and there is always time for more shopping. 

We leave here late on Monday, and I already don’t want to go. Anyone hiring in Beantown? I’ll pretty much do anything!

Jump Up, Jump Up and Get Down

Everyone seems to be impressed with the progress my ankle has been making the last two weeks. I won't lie, I'm pretty impressed as well. The injections actually seem to be working...oh that crazy, illegal Dr. HottiePants and his medical breakthroughs.

After a follow up appointment yesterday, I am now allowed to start jumping and doing a lot more weight transfer. I plan on jumping off everything possible (that's below the height of one stair). After progression with that, running short distances is next. Steph says 30 metres. I say 30 minutes. We'll work up to it. The good news is that Steph thinks I'm two weeks away from running. I cannot wait. She suggests that I start on the treadmill and then take it outside. It seems very possible to be running for my birthday race. I couldn't be happier. Okay, no that's a lie, if this thing didn't happen in the first place I'd be much happier.

Remember I was telling you all about "Healthy Living Blogs"? Well this cycle's guest post was about what "Health" means to me. Below is the entry I submitted.

What does health mean to me? Oh this could get rather interesting!

I’ve gone on a whirlwind trip trying to figure out that meaning. It used to mean copious amounts of exercise. Days I’d believe it meant fixating about what entered my mouth; calorie counting and obsessing about fat grams, carbohydrates and sodium levels. Other days it meant some sort of combination of the two. For times, it had no meaning to me at all; I had no idea. I couldn’t think of the word without coming to odds with myself at what I was doing wrong, or what I even thought. Did it hold any importance in my life? At times, the answer was no - I was reckless.

It’s all found a way to straighten itself out in my mind. With every downward turn, I was thankful the rollercoaster came back up.

There needs to be a balance between my emotional, physical and mental selves for me to truly feel healthy. It goes far beyond the meals I prepare and the time spent in the yoga studio, or in my running shoes.

My true healthy finds me surrounded with loving friends and family that make me want to be the best person I know I am.

My true healthy has me content in my skin, no matter the size of my jeans, or cup of my bra.

My true healthy doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘perfect’ because it’s definition changes on a whim and is usually unrealistic.

My true healthy sweats, and hurts, and feels amazing with discovering new muscles.

My true healthy is whole, clean foods that nourish my body in each of its activities, and involves rewards to treat my sweet tooth.

My true healthy sets goals to strive for everything that is possible to achieve, even if it seems like a stretch in the beginning.

My true healthy comforts my soul with learning, and giving back, and smiling from the inside.

My true healthy cherishes every decision I’ve made, because at one point I did think it was for the best.

My true healthy is open to the world’s possibilities and will not hold a closed mind to the unknown.

My true healthy is still a work in progress, but everyday I am getting closer to being that fantastic, and amazing girl that I know and love.

Yours with hugs,

Laur

I can't wait to see it posted. I'll share the link once it is. It's taken so long to be able to type those words, and as much as I believe them, as I said they are still a work in progress A daily reminder of being happy in the moment and with what I am currently doing. Healthy takes a lot of work, and you have to be committed. It's the longest, most troublesome relationship I've ever had. I'm making it work though, I'm worth it.

Did I also mention that sister and I are headed to BOSTON tomorrow until Monday night. I cannot freaking wait! I went in January for the season opener of the Rock (we won 17-7 and it was amazing) but the city was really the show stopper for me. I fell in love with the hustle and the architecture and the old/modern world feel of it. I knew I had to go back when it wasn't -30 degrees and I could sight-see without wearing every article of clothing I packed (and bought). This five day trip will be magnificent; just the break I need.  

There is free WIFI everywhere you look in Boston (besides in our hotel) I'll hopefully be in touch over the weekend. Here is a little sneak peak into what we are doing:

• Fenway
• Shopping
• Walking
• Duck tours
• Swan boat
• Yoga
• Shopping
• Harvard

I'm sure I'll also be doing a lot of jumping this weekend! :)

The faint of heart

I will warn you now, if you have a sensitive stomach, or are squeamish around needles this will not be the post for you to read. I apologize, and I will see you very soon with a non-needle post.

Before you leave, I'd like to share that I did not cry in yoga class on Sunday. I think I'm all cried out when it comes to yoga. As professional sitters, we hold most of our emotion in our hips. I guess I'm all stretched out, no more emotion in these babies. Either that or I'm over emotional and can't even begin to cry again. I think it was one Ms. Carrie Bradshaw that said we are allotted a certain amount of tears. I may have reached my August quota.

Now would be the time to close the blog post if you're not cool with needles. I'll miss you, but understand.

For those who are left, I'd like to take you on Lucy's (can also be spelled Loosey, as in loose ligaments) journey. Yes, Lucy is my left ankle.

Once upon a time (88 days ago) Lucy was a happy ankle, blissful and unassuming. She rocked and rolled, and was her very awesome self. Until tragedy struck (yes, you know the story)...fast forward to today.

Lucy felt pretty stellar after a relaxing weekend hanging out in the ice pool. She even started to resemble her old self.

A little bumpy, but better than it has been

Okay wasn't good enough for Lucy, though. She had to be great, so she made an appointment with the best doctor she could find, Dr. HottiePants.

Oh, hi there!

The first step was for Laura to get some blood drawn. What a sweet girl for complying with Lucy's wishes.

I'm so tough

A trip to go see Wendy was next!

This is where you'll find the boo-boo!

She is a pro at wielding that magic wand!

Nope, that's not a baby, it's inside Lucy!

Lucy, meet platelets.

It's bigger than we thought!

Platelets, meet Lucy.

All cleaned and marked for injection

Get acquainted!

I don't like you, and you don't like me...but it's for the best

OW! Dr. HottiePants, you're really not Lucy's favourite person to visit!

After, in a lot of pain

And that was Lucy's day!

I know what you're thinking, and no they haven't medicated me. This is allllll natural. Aren't you glad you didn't know when when I was a little girl? Sorry, Sister! You had to put up with my story telling all the time.

I hope this is my last of these injections. They are quit painful, expensive, and I have spent the last two Monday's finding it difficult to walk.

Wiggle it, just a little bit

I've been riding the high of my Thursday lunchtime warm fuzzies for a while. That is until this morning when I needed a cinnamon bun. (remember what I said about baked goods?!)

Oh Thursday evening I went to visit Steph at physio. She worked a lot on the scar tissue that has built up on my ligament attachment. When it decided to nicely reattach to the bone, the scar came with it. It needs to be worked at to reduce and be removed, and boy does it ever hurt. 86 days, huh? Where has the summer gone? A bit more A.R.T., acupuncture and electro-current.

This site it becoming far too common

I'm very excited for the day that I don't think about my ankle 90 times. I'll settle for 70; that would be a relaxing day. I'm still icing everyday in hopes that it will reduce the leftover swelling and get rid of the synovitis. 

Friday I ended up leaving work after about 3 hours. I was sick, I was hazy. I just couldn't be there. I opted to go home and sleep instead. Too bad my body didn't get that memo. I just lay in bed, rolling back and forth coughing.

I hoped that I could sweat it out so I strapped my mat to my back and hustled over to yoga.

PYC is such a beautiful studio

And boy did I sweat! Sadly, the cold did not go anywhere. It likes me too much, looks like I have a Stage 5 clinger.

I took Kinndli's 75 minute jam class - that simply means that the entire class is done to music. The last time I did a music class, the instructor played throat singing and gongs. So that's what I got this time, right? Oh hell no! Kinndli doesn't teach your momma's yoga. She has a rather sick obsession with J.Beebs. Oh yes, at least three Beiber songs during the class.

It was 75 minutes of fun, she also sings into her head set microphone. Would you expect less from this sassy girl?

That little furball is Rocco!

You know what that means? I achieved my goal of doing a yoga class on a weekday and earned a toonie for my sugar jar. It is something I'd like to continue for weeks to follow, hopefully more than one during the week as well. 

It wasn't all fun and games, don't think 75 minutes on a Friday night has reinvigorated me. It hasn't. I cried, again, again. It is getting so routine, I may just make it my "thing".

Hi, I'm Laura. I'm a Libra, who likes the waterfront and I cry in yoga class. It's lovely to meet you.

Maybe boys will like the little extra bit of crazy. Oh, and that I'm outdoorsy!

This time, there was a whole different reason. Yes, the pain was there. Yes, I'm pretty crazy. Those weren't the reasons. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt pity for myself. I found myself laying on my mat in child's pose asking "why me?" and repeating "this isn't fair". Those words have not come out of my mouth this whole time. I couldn't (can't) understand why this is happening to me, and for so long. Haven't I learned patience? Perseverance?  Can't I just be healed? What more do I have to learn? Can we get on with it? I'm very interested to see what kind of reaction I have in tomorrow's class.

I was going to take a class today, but decided to rest - and shop - instead. I got my hair did this morning, and took part in #TwitterHLS with a great group of health and fitness bloggers that were unable to make it to Chicago for the real Healthy Living Summit. Next year, I hope I can make it. It sounds like such a fantastic event.

I also just got my blog listed on Healthy Living Blogs. It is a new resource for the health blogging community. Created by Lindsey of Sound Eats, HLB is a site designed to enhance the positive community of the healthy living blog world. Bloggers and readers can explore the site and find more blogs to love, bloggers in their area, and forums to deepen healthy discussion and support. If you're interested in having your site listed check the site out for yourself!

I hope to be guest posting for them as well. This round the topic is what health means to me. Oh this could get interesting!

Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful

I woke this morning realizing two things:
1. It's been 12 weeks (84 days) since I hurt my ankle
2. I am some how more sick than yesterday. *cough cough* my poor sore throat!

That list is in honour of the narc (dad). He is on a flight with his brother and two sisters, headed to Texas to be with their sister to mourn the loss of her husband, John. I wish I could be with them, offering up a hug or a smile. Sister and I often make fun of my dad's email behaviour that will, without a doubt, include a list. They are also often titled for how many points are in his list "Two things" or "Four points". It's rather funny.

I had yet another morning fight discussion with myself as I lay sprawled in my bed.
me: don't wake up, turn off the alarm
me: you have to go to work, there may be another player signing or trade
me: they have your cell number, and your laptop is on the table
me: but...i...
me: give in, give me
me: screw it, I'm going to the office
me: but what will you wear? think of all that effort to plan an outfit
me: i know one thing a ponytail will be involved, and makeup wont be
me: sleep, just sleep more
me: there is a dress on the ground, I see it, I'm wearing that
me: you win this time, responsibility

So here I am, at the office in a wrinkled dress, but I'm here. No trades, no signing, no sunshine, no sleep...I wish me won the fight.

The only thing to turn a day like this around (besides baked goods) is to make myself smile, and to make someone else smile.

I knew just the thing!

After following Caitlin on Twitter, and reading her stories on Operation Beautiful I really wanted to join the movement.  I also wanted to buy her book (just released in Canada on Tuesday). Roadtrip to Chapters! Conveniently located down the street from my office, it is a mecca for lunchtime travellers.

Post-it notes and sharpies in hand, I had to become part of the OB community before I could pick up the book.

This one was left on the cover of "YOU on a Diet"

And this one was left inside the pages of "Shape Magazine" on an ad for a meal replacement drink

TALK ABOUT WARM FUZZIES!!

I would have loved to stick around and wait till someone discovered one of my colourful notes. I am smiling ear to ear thinking of the person that stumbles upon it, and what their reaction may be. How could it not be positive and smiley? I know that would be my reaction. The high to brighten my day was complete with this task and I was free to buy the book!

This copy is allllllll mine!

After I'm done, you're more than welcome to borrow it. I'm sure it will be done sooner than later because I already have plans to crack it open tonight with a Starbucks in hand while I waste time before my physio appointment later this evening.

At the 12 week mark, I expected to be sprinting by now. My ankle, thinks otherwise. The injection from the elusive, and criminally investigated (and also known swinger) Dr. HottiePants has definitely loosened things up, but it wasn't the miraculous cure I was expecting it to be. I'll probably need one more shot. It's not the end of the world, but it's also not the end of the injury.

This girl is out of sight

I know what you're asking. How are you lucky enough to get two posts in one day? Maaaagic!

The man who injected my ankle, Dr. HottiePants, is actually Dr. Anthony Galea. He founded his clinic (ISM Health & Wellness) when I was 4 years old. My love of old men wins again!

The name sound familiar? He's the doctor that's treated Tiger Woods, A-Rod, and others in the states without a license to practice in the US. Read the telling story about him in The Washington Post from June. Oh even without trying, I'm all drama, drama, drama!

Also, from this morning I've seemed to answer my own question. I asked: "Any tips of how you stay positive even when feeling shitty or dealing with life piling onto you?"

Answer, avoidance deflection! (yes, that's a much prettier term)

Instead of thinking about the topic(s) at hand, I've blared music and danced about the office.

Time for some fun and games. I've mentioned it before, but the majority of my blog post titles are song lyrics. Some are very obvious, some not so much. I would never call myself a music junkie, I just love music. I'm not a snob, I can't tell you anything about any band, I just listen and bop.You'll notice below just how eclectic I am.

So here is where each is from:
"This girl is out of sight" - Jezebel by Two Hours Traffic
"That's alright, because I like the way it hurts" -  love the way you lie by Eminem & Rihanna
"K-I-C-K-A-S-S, that's the way we spell success" - Giant by Matthew Good Band
"Could you wanna take my picture?" - Take a Picture by Filter
"If I sing a song, will you sing along?" - Sing Along by Dave Matthews Band
"Bring back that lovin' feelin'" - You've lost that lovin' feeling by The Righteous Brothers
"That's why she'll be back again" - Better Man by Pearl Jam
"Short Skirt, Long Jacket" - Short skirt, long jacket by Cake
"Just don't stand there, say nice things to me" - Push by Matchbox 20
"And, as I recall, I think we both kind of liked it" - Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something
"she said it was worth it" - Jezebel by Sade
"melt my heart to stone" - Melt my heart to stone by Adele
"Dust yourself off and try again" - Try Again by Aaliyah
"Funky fresh, dressed to impress" - Funky Fresh Dressed by Missy Elliot
"Very merry un-birthday" - A Very Merry Unbirthday, to you from Alice in Wonderland
"Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch" - Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch by The Temptations
"Back to life, back to reality" - Back to Life by Soul II Soul
"One of these things is not like the other" - One of these things is not like the other from Sesame Street
"And the moon is the only light we see" - Stand by me by The Temptations
"Musical Chairs" - Musical Chairs by Atmosphere
"Turn the beat around" - Turn the beat around by Gloria Estefan
"That's right, put in work, move your ass, go berserk" - The New Workout Plan by Kanye West
"Baby, you can't doubt it" - Shake it off by Jarvis Church
"Shake and bake, etc." - Shake and Bake by Digital Underground
"Five bad boys with the power to rock you" - Slam Dunk Da Funk by 5ive
"These boots are made for walking" - These boots are made for walking by Nancy Sinatra
"Let me break the ice" - Break the ice by Britney Spears
"That's what friends are for" - That's what friends are for by Dionne Warwick
"Makes me say what's up" - Girl the way you do me by 2ge+her
"Step one: we can have lots of fun" - Step by Step by New Kids on the Block
"Put a Smile on your face" - Smile by Vitamin C
"P-p-p-push it, push it real good" - Push it by Salt n' Peppa

Writing it out like that also makes me realize just how long of a journey we've been on so far. Thanks for sticking with me as this ankle attempts to heals. Tomorrow marks 12 weeks. I can't believe we're still at it!

Enjoy today's title song in video form. This song has been stuck in my head for a while, and I've been trying to find who sings it. Trust me you don't want to type "Jezebel" into any search engine, what you will get is very XXX.  For those who want it, I'm sorry to take the porn out of your day, make up for it elsewhere.

That's alright, because I like the way it hurts

There was a lot of internal swearing happening Monday when Dr. HottiePants injected my ankle. Holy fuck that hurt!

I pride myself on being a tough cookie - I've sat through french braids, self eyebrow waxes, walking into numerous walls, painful bikini waxes, and lots and lots of physio time - but this is a pain I've never felt before.

The process of my ankle injection, though tedious, is very interesting. They removed three vials of blood from my arm, and spun it in a centrifuge to separate the proteins. Once separated, the platelet rich plasma (which ends up a milky yellowish colour) is combined in a syringe that is attached to a VERY long needle. From there I was brought upstairs to see the Ultrasound technician. With her magic wand, and a lot of goo, Wendy found exactly where my cartilage damage was and measured how far down to inject me. Dr. HottiePants came in next, found the injection spot, then inflicted crazy amount of pain. He inserted the needle about 12 mm into my ankle, going into the joint and coming out the tendon, bathing both with the PRP. Dr. HottiePants then held my ankle (thank god I shaved my legs in the morning) and patted me better after bandaging me up.

The pain stuck around for the entire night. I tried to relax and rest, but that didn't happen. Walking was difficult and I was limping around, similar to week three when I just came off the crutches.

After waking up the pain has subsided and it was easier to move around yesterday and today. I'm afraid to take off the bandages, and will leave them on for at least one more night. I'm not sure why I think they are better on but I won't question my neurotic thoughts...it usually just gets me in trouble (Plus, I've got enough to think about lately, a bandage isn't on the top of the list).

Can I mention here that this post has taken almost 24 hours to write? Words will not come out of me right now, which is a bit scary since I'm sure I have a few press releases to write today for work. I'm tired, I'm in pain, I WOKE UP SICK! I sound very horse and am coughing. Not impressed! It is one of those days where all you dream to do once you wake up is go back to sleep. My elastic-ankled sweats seem like the perfect choice for today. Alas, I'm in a pencil skirt.

Krista and I had a discussion last night about the effects of negative thought and the backlash from "could, should, wish, want" talk. The physiological response your body has when you "wish you could" do something and then never follow through is toxic.

So I left the gym with a goal (#2 for the week): write down every time that I use "could, should, want or wish" in a sentence.

I've found myself about to say these words, and I'd stop. (I'm attempting for a very short list) When you don't even secret that kind of talk into the universe, it helps stay positive. When I do end up using one of these words it brings up a lot of thought. Why do I think I want to, or wish to, or could use to, or should do something? Oh, it's been a cozy place to stay in the deepest caverns of my mind. (I'll take Empire Records song lyrics for $1,000, Alex).

Good news? I'm still off track, nowhere close to being one of those "shit together" bloggers. You wouldn't want that from me anyway.

Green Monster has returned for breakfast:

Disgusting looking, delicious tasting! My coworker, Cam, who I share an office with gets legitimately grossed out when I drink it in the office. He has to leave till I'm done, or I have to go out in the main lobby or media room area.

Lunch is the world's greatest salad from Whole Foods, with greens, dried cranberries, walnuts and Gorgonzola cheese. Yum!

I may also have a Fruit and Nut bar in my bag from the weekend that is calling my name. I never see anything wrong with chocolate in the morning, but maybe I'll wait to crack into it till after my salad. Maybe!

I'm off to talk lacrosse, be a superstar, and enjoy my Wednesday. Have a powerful day!

Any tips of how you stay positive even when feeling shitty or dealing with life piling onto you?