Short Skirt, Long Jacket

After going to watch Love, Loss and What I Wore with Shannon on Tuesday night I thought a lot about how I also remember significant events through my outfits. People always talk about where they were when an event happened, like the moon landing, or a president being shot, or their favourite team winning a championship. Not me, I'm not sure where I was, but I do know what was on my back...and on my feet!

I remember what I wore to each of my big job interviews. With the Rock I wore a black tank style dress that was narrow to the knee with a fabulous teal and gold scarf, no jewelry and black May Jane's. To my OUA interview I wore a black dress shirt with a white pencil skirt that dawned a orange and brown pattern, accented with gold jewelry and beige pumps. When I interviewed with the Athletic Department in Windsor I wore a red and white floral skirt with a black three-quarter length cotton tee and flip flops. (I didn't know it was an interview, I thought I was talking about my cheerleading team, big surprise).

I remember what I wore to each of the 19 Toronto Rock games this past season. I'm happy to say I only recycled a skirt once, and wore it with a different top. I also travel with 26 men, so if I wore a paper bag they wouldn't notice - unless it has cleavage then I get a comment - or on Valentine's when one of the rookies thought I dressed up for them. Granted I looked hot and wore red lipstick, but I ended up having a producer feel up my leg unwanted, backfire.

I remember the skirts I wore when I took ballroom lessons with an ex, the black and white polkadots I was draped in when he asked me out, and the black luon lululemon dress I was wearing when we broke up.

I remember the hot pink corduroy skirt, black DC baby-tee and vans skate shoes I wore to my first Heroes For Sale concert at Masonic Lodge, accessorized with a black studded belt worn low on the hips and a mess-full of homemade jewelry. 

I remember what I was wearing when I destroyed my ankle, I even have photo evidence of it.

I don't think I'll be able to look back at this year's showcase with fond memories of much. The pretty dances, the great cheering section I had, will all be over shadowed by this stupid injury.

It wouldn't be a 10 week hurt-aversary without talk of the ankle, so I'll give you all what you're waiting for. The bondage brace is semi-retired. My pain is mostly localized to where the condyle lesion is, which makes sense because everything else is healing...slowly....which only leaves the exposed bone to hurt. I still wear the brace when I go on long walks and when I begin to run again it will be snugly secured.

I don't know when my first injection appointment is yet, but Steph is thinking next week some time. I hope it gets done that fast, so I can get back on the road. I'm so excited (read: scared to death) about the Toronto Waterfront 5km, that I want to burst out my door everyday and hustle to it.

Happy to report that my "body and soul" tasks of my rehab are coming along great as well.

I've been at the yoga studio every Sunday, and my progress and balance are coming along just fine. I am a cleaning machine, and an very thankful for the person who invented Swiffer cloths. I need to take more advantage of the free classes because once a week isn't cutting it for me. I'll have to work out my workout schedule again, there must be some spare time in there hiding.

I had my one-on-one interview with Big Sisters today and found out all the next steps about how I get matched with my "little". It still looks like it is going to take more time, but with over 300 children waiting to be matched up, I know I am going to find the perfect match. A friendship waiting to happen, and I promise I won't corrupt her.

I also went to see Jersey Boys for the third time last night with the family. Gosh I love theatre and that show brings back such funny memories with Sister. I can't say it struck any cords in my writing, but it did encourage dessert consumption.

Yum!

Just don't stand there, say nice things to me

Greeting from the girl with one shoe on! Better strap yourself in, this one's a long one.

I am in a great deal of pain today, so I've kicked off the left sandal to the dismay of all my coworkers. They were getting excited for me not being barefoot anymore. The UPS guy also gave me a crooked look when I went to the door to sign for a package sans left shoe. He wears brown, really?! Who is he to judge?

I have a visit with Steph tonight and hopefully she has news of when I can get my platelet injections on my ankle. I'm hoping for sooner than later because...um, OW! The nerve that runs down the outside of my leg into my pinky toe has stopped tingling all the time, so I hope that's a good sign. Also, have I mentioned lately that I'm itching to run? And the race I signed up for is two months minus one day? 'Cuz I am, and it is!

I have cut out numerous more saying and photos for my motivational board but decided to be lazy instead of crafting my collage. 

 

I also have not put my star post-it notes plan into action. Instead, I spent my weekend watching lacrosse, staying out far too late, laughing and cuddling on couches. I enjoyed every single moment of it.

I have been doing a lot of reminiscing lately - a quality that jumps out at me in times of distress or trauma - and while on Facebook (oh yeah, add me up!) I found a little story written by my regional trainer when I worked at lululemon. Tricia was so inspiring to me, and when I read this note, I knew this girl was legit.

Written by Tricia Prange, regional trainer, lululemon athletica:

Yesterday morning while I was packing my bag for work something incredible happened. I began my day, as I normally do, running around the house finding everything I need. I pack my lunch and two snacks to give me energy throughout the day. I pack my water bottle because “WATER FLUSHES UNWANTED TOXINS FROM YOUR BODY AND KEEPS YOUR BRAIN SHARP.” And as a Regional Trainer, my brain needs to be sharp…very sharp.

I pack my cell phone and I bring along my computer so I can work on the Subway. That reminds me, I bring my metro pass. I pack my book, so I can de-compress on the ride home. I pack my running shoes to wear on the floor. Just before I am about to leave, I remember it's Friday and time again for my favorite 5 pm Silent Moksha Yoga class. I run up the stairs and grab my trusty Power Y (4 years old), VBT Shorts (Vintage) and my Super Natural Yoga Mat (best grip ever). I do all this packing in about 15 minutes, and head out the door saying the same thing I do morning “I really should have packed the night before.”

I get into the elevator feeling a little heavy, almost as if today I had over packed. Convinced there must be something in the bottom of my bag left over from yesterday I go through my bag once again, and then it hit me. I have felt a little bit heavy almost every morning lately. I then I saw it. Sitting somewhere between my laptop and my lunch were pieces of my past, unresolved and weighing me down. Every single day I fill my bag with everything I need to go out into the world and be the best me I can be, never stopping to notice what else I was carrying around.

It has been approximately a year and a half since I attended Landmark. During the forum I had a difficult time recognizing the role my past played in my future. I felt complete, nothing to resolve, and free to create anything. Or so I thought.

Later that night when I got home, I unpacked my bag. I unpacked my 5th grade gym teacher who told me I would never be fast enough to compete in track and field meet. I unpacked my anger toward my ex-boyfriend who left me after 4 years for someone else. I unpacked my Great Aunt who last summer had told me I had “really gained a few.” And finally I unpacked not being good enough. An act I have been living for far too long.

The next morning I woke up and began packing my bag as usual. I went through my checklist: lunch for energy…check, water to flush toxins…check, cell phone, laptop, metro pass and book to decompress…check, Running shoes for the floor…check, yoga mat… check. Unresolved bits of my past resulting in mediocre life and predicable future… no thanks.

I still get shivers reading through that. I can't even begin to count how many times I've re-read that note then thanked Tricia for sharing. I am my hardest critic as I'm sure we all are. Nothing I do will ever be good enough in my own opinion; a perfectionist with a horrible sense of self-doubt.

I was lucky enough to spend last night with a friend, a dear dear friend, that makes me forget about all my imperfections. Now that my University days are over, I find I'm no longer surrounded by many males that aren't trying to screw me in some sort of life context. Matt (the dear friend) is one of the few left from the Windsor days. I was the captain of the cheerleading team, he was the quarterback, but that's where our cliche ended. Fast friends, but life long friends.

Oh yes, also a metal drummer. Show them horns.

He now lives in Calgary and was back for a quick visit. I haven't seen Matt in 11 months but seeing him again erased that gap. We drank (a bit too much), caught up on the huge mass of time and carried on like we saw each other the day before. The way Matt talks makes me feel like I am super woman. I can't do anything wrong; I have no flaws. I doubt he even knows he has this power. He is not saying anything special, or anything that isn't true, just makes me look at life and appreciate it in a way no one else can. This is a kind of friend I suggest everyone finds- a kismet that is indescribable. I don't want to knock my army of female friends that are better than air for me. I couldn't get through day-to-day life without them, but as opposite-sex friendships go, this is the tops.

It goes both ways, of course (I'm not that greedy). Since the moment we met, I've always been his #1 fan and personal cheerleader. Having to say goodbye again, for another year, has hurt my heart. Four long hugs, and countless "don't go"'s later I got home at 3:00 a.m. and am beyond sleepy right now. (Don't worry there is a point to this) For at least a short period of time this visit will help me erase my negative self-talk. I will remember the greatness that is me, and rock out like no one's bizz.

Do you have a favourite motivational passage or note? What or who keeps you feeling warm fuzzies inside? Megan has introduced me to Desiderata, another goodie to read over.

And, as I recall, I think we both kind of liked it

Yup, you saw that update correctly, $23. Yesterday was a productive day. I returned to the office for the first time in a week, edited videos, had a weight training session and a long bike ride. 'Go Louie Go!', as my dad would say.


I visited Steph yesterday, too. She had some interesting news for me. St. Joe's Hospital? completely miss-read my MRI. It seems that they indeed read it inverted and reported on the back on my ankle/foot instead of the front. Steph listed off about five or six things that are still damaged, but reassured me that the ligament tear has completely reattached. Well, phew! Thank goodness for one thing going right. Edema, fluid on tendons, bone spur, condyle lesion, and S-something-itis (really need to pay more attention) were all terms thrown around. Doesn't sound too friendly, includes cartilage damage, but can be looked after. Depending on severity of the bone spur they may want to cut me open, but I'd rather not, so I want them to look into that one more in depth.

I cracked open a new book last night after getting home from dinner with Andrea (Rosewater, yum!). I purchased it up on a whim, because I love memoirs and I love Tiffany; Sister and I agreed that it would probably be a good read.

 Toile bed sheets and pink nails I also love

The author, Marjorie Hart, begins the book with a simple question on an otherwise very blank page: 'Do you remember the best summer of your life?'

I'd love to tell you that I'm experiencing it currently, but we'd all know that's a lie. I am learning and experiencing great things this summer, but I wouldn't describe it as "the best of life" or "best, ever" (for Meg!). In my so far short 24.8 years, I'd have to say it is a tie between the summer of 2006 where I worked outside every day, had a rockin' tan, a very fun boytoy, great friends, and interesting adventures and the summer of 2007 where I experienced the feeling of love for the first time (which was quickly followed by heartache - ouch), retaught myself ballroom and latin dance with the help of the cutest old man with the most game I've ever witnessed, and laughed and smiled till my cheeks hurt numerous times daily. I'm sure both of them will be topped in following years. What is your best (ever) summer memory?    

On Tuesday I was telling you that I have committed to making a motivation board.

Step #1: 'Locate magazines' was completed that night.

Step #2: 'Select and cut out motivational phrases and photos' was started this morning at 7:15 a.m. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be getting ready for work and making my lunch. (I may have grabbed shorts out of my hamper and am going out for lunch instead).

Step #3: 'buying bristol board and arranging the images and phrases' will have to wait till tonight or later this weekend after I collect more motivational components.

Once it is finally complete (I love arts and crafts, btw, not sure why I didn't think of this sooner) I'm going to hang it in my closet, a place I visit everyday.

I also bought a set of star post-it notes that are destine for great things. Just you wait.

she said it was worth it

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times and that still isn't enough: I have amazing friends. My support system of Andrea, Megan and Adam came to the funeral home to show their support and love. I am truly blessed and surrounded by such great people. I can't express how thankful I am. Even though I told them not to come, they drove out of the way to give me a much needed hug.

As I sat on the couch in the funeral home I had numerous people who know my mother comment about how we look identical. My Autie Catherine commented numerous times, and finally told me that she felt like she was having flash back at when she first met mumma. Um, Hello? Did you not read my last blog post? We already went over this!

I hurt a lot today, the mixture of heat and standing have not cooperated with me. My bondage brace was more of a hindrance than anything but I kept it on for most of the day to compress the swelling. I took it off once we got to the wake and uncovered my mangled ankle to the family. The best part about not having a close family? is having to explain what happened 24 times to everyone. I couldn't even think of eating because of the pain, instead I sat in an uncomfortable chair until we went home. I napped for close to three hours and that still didn't feel like enough. I woke up still emotionally and physically tired, in pain.

Today also marked a milestone. I officially have $20.00 in my sugar jar.

Dad and I decided to go for a walk tonight, we both needed it. Getting a little fresh air and exercise helps clear the mind, and will definitely help me get to sleep tonight. I need it! We were going to do the medium route, but I wanted to push it a little further tonight despite the pain. Another lesson in perseverance and knocking down obstacles. Sure, I hurt but the crispy 20 i just put into my piggy bank makes it all worth it. 

I'm also planning on making a motivation board.
Step #1: locate magazines to cut things out of.
That's as far as I've got so far.

Melt My Heart To Stone

Sorry for my absence this week, it has been a very crazy time in the life of Laura. A few great things happened, a few not so great things.

I left you on Tuesday with lack of motivation and lots on my mind. I'm still reporting around the same. I feel like working out, but I don't actually do it. I've gone to the gym and a walk, but this week is rather lacking in the rehab department. I need to ice, I need to stretch, I need to balance.

On Wednesday Lauren and I took advantage of Summerlicious and went to the ever-so-prissy Auberge du Pommier.  We showed up early for the reservation and enjoyed the beautiful grounds, lovely weather and great company.

Summerlicious allows us regular folk to try fancy-pants restaurants for a fraction of the price. $45 for three courses. Don't ask me why, but Lauren and I were treated like superstars at AdP, spoiled by everyone. The chef even came to visit our table and make us a special dish. We ended up getting about six courses for $45. It was an experience I will never forget; I definitely felt like a celebrity. Also, they make this sour cream ice cream that will make you melt inside.  

Today marked day 1 of 3 of the Honda Indy Toronto. Basically I sit in the sun and try to explain pro lacrosse to people while being drowned out by the sound of racing cars. The best part? Is that Megan and the Blue Jays are set up right across from us.

We're so cute! That's the 1993 World Series Trophy.

While I was working at the Indy my dad informed me that my Nana (his mother) died today. He was the unlucky soul that had to tell my Pops (his father). The two have been divorced for years, but he still cried. He did love her, though she wasn't always the nicest to him. My Nana suffered from Alzheimer's for about 20 years. She didn't know anyone, didn't have a life of her own. It still is never easy.

A little background on my Nana: from what I'm told she has never been the sweetest person. She was selfish, nasty to her husband, and neglectful of her seven children. She was always mean to my mother.

I don't have many memories of her when she was of right mind. I only really know her as the red-headed woman that was always impeccably dressed, with hair and makeup styled just right. She always looked perfect, smelled amazing, and had an armful of bangles that jingled. Every time I wear bangles I shake my arm gently and it reminds me of her. I can hear that sound in my head right now, and am starting to tear up.

I'm surprised at my reaction. When I heard the news I started crying automatically, but then it stopped. My emotions have teetered for the woman, though blood, I never really knew.  I decided to put on an arms length of bangles and look through my childhood photos for one of her and I. Guess what? We have none together. I actually don't possess any with her in them. I did find this though from my parent's wedding album.

Of course she wore white to someone else's wedding

Despite everything, she was still my Nana. I'm sad and feel a bit ill. Both my father and my pops have cried today, and I can say I've never witnessed that before; it breaks my heart. The viewing(s) and funeral will be next week and I'm not sure how I will handle that.

While looking through my old photos I found one of my mother, sister and I that really makes me smile.

Until I realized that I am indeed my mother, and got creeped out.

Scary!

I canceled my plans for this evening in favour of elastic-ankled sweatpants and a Criminal Minds marathon. I just want to hang out with the family and sleep. Lots and lots of sleep in needed. I'm going back to the INDY tomorrow after physio and am so thankful that Megan will be there all weekend, and great co-workers like Cam and Shannon will keep my mind busy. I should get my MRI results tomorrow too, keep your fingies crossed for the best! Also it's eight weeks and one day with the injury. And that? Fuckin' blows!

Dust yourself off and try again

Where do you find motivation? It has decided to play hide-and-seek with me and that bugger has gone and found an amazing spot to duck and cover.  I've looked everywhere for him.

Today I searched for motivation in the aisles of Whole Foods. Instead I found quiche and salad. Though delicious, my lunch motivated nothing but my digestive system.

I often find motivation in my friends and family. They are awesome and talented with gifts so unique that each finds a new way to amaze me every day. I am constantly in awe. They run races, move across countries, throw themselves deep into dating (scariest task of all), quit jobs, go back to school at 'old' ages, allow themselves to love, cut off all their hair, deal with sickness and disease head-on, sacrifice for others, and create every day without fear of judgment. I feel that some power is trying to tell me that I am somehow deserving of all of these great people, I just have to figure out what I can offer as well. 

It comes and goes, and when it is here I wish I could squeeze every last drop out of motivation. It will surface again, when I'm not sure. My mind is sideways from a lot of thinking and a lot of talking and a lot of pro-con lists. I have decisions to make, and am trying to channel my very inspiring friends while I'm in the balance.

While I'm in limbo I'll leave you with a few lovely sayings:

And a funny one:

I'm still in a great deal of pain with this ankle and can't wait until numerous professionals look over my MRI film and decide what is wrong with me. I really want to run, heck I'll take walking or going up and down stairs with less pain.  I think I've learned my lesson in patience and perseverance, we can get on with this any time now. 

Stay tune for when I swear uncontrollably that I've been injured for eight weeks. That will be Thursday, can't wait!

Have a powerful day!

Funky fresh, dressed to impress

 It's been a tough week. Even though my ankle looks like an ankle again, the pain has been pretty intense. I cannot wait to get the MRI results and figure out what's wrong with me so I can get fixed. I'm pretty ready to be done with this injury.

When I got my MRI on Tuesday I had to take out my tragus piercing. This is the first time I've taken it out in five years and had to pry the hook apart with pliers. I was a sad sight trying to get it out. Instead of attempting to put it back in myself I treated myself to a new piece of jewelery and got the piercer to make sure it was properly cleaned and installed.

I opted for stud instead of a hoop.

I started my Saturday morning with physio. Steph again commented about how well I was walking, but was concerned when I filled her in on my screaming pain - she didn't look too happy. We did more acupuncture (3 needles, not 16) and A.R.T. Steph always comments on how well I deal with the pain. If you had my mom attempt to do french braids after loading on the hair spray, you wouldn't flinch or complain either! After the session was complete, I was outfitted with some new tape. 

It's supposed to set off my skin receptors if my ligaments over stretch. Boy, does it work. It keeps my ankle in place. How stylish!?!

Side note about Steph: she is also an instructor at U of Waterloo and is part of a team that has created numerous tests for nationwide back and hip pain treatment. I told her that I've been suffering back pain on and off since 2008 and would love to try out these tests she created. At my next appointment we're going to do a gait analysis and these tests for fun. I love being a research subject, and Steph seems pretty excited to have a lab rat. 

Today was so lovely that I didn't want to spend time inside, I decided to head over to Streetsville. I started with a tall sugar-free vanilla soy latte because it is Starbucks Saturday. The thought of going for a stroll in the park lingered until I remembered about the vintage store! I walked there instead.

This bag was $5.

It may come to Boston with me in August. Who am I kidding? I'll need something much larger for five days of shopping.

Then I found two scarves for $10.

The pink with polka dots on the left is for Sister. I thought of her as soon as I saw it, then she confirmed she liked it over text. 

Last but not least were these ridiculously high purple patent pumps.

I know what you're thinking. Umm..Laura, you can't even wear heels, why are you buying them? Okay, okay, that ran through my head too, BUT, they were $12 and new with tags and oh so adorable. I know I'd kick myself if I passed them up. Plus they made me happy and I look forward to wearing them. Please stop judging me, I know I'm talking in circles to try to distract you from the fact I bought ANOTHER pair of heels when I have no use for them right now.

I did end up in the park to enjoy some sunshine and a little walk later on in the afternoon after coming home for lunch and to ice my ankle. It's been a great relaxing day with just me.

Very merry un-birthday..

I almost fell off the table when Steph told me the good news. My MRI? is covered by OHIP! I'd like to thank everyone and Google for not telling me this. How did everyone know but me? And why did no one share? Saved $1,300 (that I didn't really have)!

Then I was faced with this:

Oh yes, that monster is the scariest thing I've ever run slowly limped into.

My leg got strapped into this metal boot and I was wheeled into the machine up to my arm pits and told over and over again not to move, not to even let me toes wiggle.

That was followed by 30 minutes of "Don't think about your ankle, don't think about your ankle, oh god you're thinking about your ankle, stop it! stop it! Okay calm down, and just don't think about it. Oh no, did I just wiggle my toes? Crap, did I just wiggle them now? Stop it! That was relaxing, I didn't think about my ankle there. Oh wait, stop thinking about your ankle!"

So that was fun...thumbs down...I had a lot of anxiety in that machine, and rightly so. It's a lot of pressure to put on an ankle. They strapped me in all kinds of uncomfortable. I was pretty beaten up on the trip home.

On my last walk with my dad he also suggested I get a second opinion on my ankle. I know he meant going to a GP, but I took it as osteopath. I'll take eastern medicine over western, or anyone that wants to heal me without cutting me open or inject me with poisons.

I tried someone new, an osteopath in Oakville by the office. She was a nut bag, and I will not be going back to her. I hurt more today after yesterday's treatment, and at one time counted 16 needles in and around my ankle.

Notice the resemblance?

Don't ever live in a glass house that your very rich uncle leaves you when he dies, but forgets to mention it is haunted by 13 ghosts. Or I guess go see that Osteopath. Just sayin'

I'm not getting stuck with anything today, and just going to the gym to take it easy. Not sure if I'll workout or get a life coaching session. Some new things have come up today that are really throwing my mind for a loop. Lots to think about. Knowing that I need that twoonie for my sugar jar, I'll probably be sweating. Dad said he'd chat with me about everything if we went for a walk too. Advice and $0.50? I'll take it!

Lots of rest and lots of ice...oh and a very merry 7 Week hurt-a-versary to you!

Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch

It looks like my sugar jar may need to be geared towards my MRI costs instead of a cute new birthday running outfit. My original appointment was scheduled for the only time I'm not in the country. That needed to be fixed.  I called and actually got through. Crazy! Did not expect to talk to a real person. A cancellation tonight, you say? I'm all over that! I am a little sick to my stomach though because after researching a bit more, these things can cost a pretty penny. Pennies I have, but pretty ones are hard to come by.

Another amazing friend stepped up and agree to drive me to and from the hospital. Sandra lives close and I wouldn't need to pay for parking on her street and can save the expensive cost of hospital parking. She even agreed to stay up past her bedtime. I'm touched. She'll get Starbucks as a thank you, which means I get Starbucks. Win-win!

Last night I had a migraine that wouldn't quit. I couldn't sleep it off, I couldn't sweat it out. So I baked.
It is smokin' hot here in Toronto, so why not something icy? I started with Strawberry-Pineapple Popsicles that I found thanks to Google. 

It was just what I needed to cool me down (I need to paint my nails) but I still wasn't satisfied. What next? Jaclyn's (who can be found on Twitter and her blog)  Vegan Banana Blueberry Zucchini Bread. There was one problem, no bread pan. Could not find it for the life of me. I decided to make them into muffins instead, and altered the cooking time to 30-35 minutes. 

They are delicious! I'm not sure there is a better taste than warmed up exploding blueberries! A very good recipe, and the zucchini keeps them so moist. I'll need to find the bread pan for the next time I make it.

Also, I told you I should never grocery shop when I'm hungry. I bought rhubarb amongst other things. Rhubarb?! What the hell am I going to do with that?! HELP!

I'm off to physio at 5, and then to St. Joe's hospital for the MRI at 9:30 so no baking or cooking tonight. I may just treat myself to something while out and about.

Some people have asked me what the hardest part has been. I really can't stand the pain, my bondage brace is the ugliest thing I've ever seen, but I really miss wearing heels. My calves do not look as spectacular as they once were. I'm my normal short self. I can't hide 5-10 lbs. by simply slipping on heels. If you know me, you know that I have a closet dedicated to my shoes that is overflowing.

 Only two of the many shelves..

I lived in the things, I'm pretty sure I could have run my 5k in them before all this happened. Now I look at them, and try them on. Too bad they don't last more than 30 seconds before I'm screaming to rip them off.

Happy Tuesday from my bare feet and chipping pedicure!

Back to life, back to reality

A dull headache and a Monday. I feel caffeine may need to be invited to this party.

The cost of money came up with dad last night as we were on the 'medium' walk. He asked me a few questions to wrap my head around, but then followed with one that I ask myself everyday. Can I afford this?

Physio, and MRIs and platelet injections don't come cheap. When it is your health and healing on the line is cost really an issue? Depends on the cost. MRIs sit anywhere between $300-$10,000 and injections can run $250-$800 and often more than one is needed. Best part of it all? None of it is covered by OHIP or my insurance benefits company.

Did I mention I just signed my life away to my car insurance company to withdraw money from my account, and my gym membership does the same thing? I'm going to need tips on how to rob a bank.

How am I supposed to choose between financially feasible and fixing this ankle? I have put more effort into my rehab and physio in the last six weeks than I ever have to anything. Commitment to things hasn't always been my specialty. So now, that I'm interested and involved, I may have to force myself to stop? I don't like this one bit (not like I've actually enjoyed much of the last six weeks).  Dad thinks the spending spree should come to an end soon, but he doesn't understand.

That's another thing that has been on my mind. How do you make people understand? I'm not faking it with my ankle, the amount of pain I go through daily makes me cross-eyed, and I think I'm making the best decisions for myself. Others, like dad, may not agree. We are all different I know, but I'd just like an easy way to convey ideas. My ideas.

Thank goodness I'm in a baking mood, I need to shake off this crazy frustration somehow. I think I'm going to make bread or scones. I sent sister home with a full batch of granola bars yesterday, but ran out of maple syrup so I couldn't make any for myself. Grocery shopping post-gym tonight, which is always trouble because I'm so hungry I could eat my own arm, and end up buying lots of useless things.

One of these things is not like the other

I have six dollars in my sugar jar, a hurting ankle, and had a whole lot of fun the last few days.

I just can't get enough of these two:

That'd be Alli, Megan and myself. 

Yes, looking like a complete mess is my new trend, move over 80s chic, I rock it well. I'm happy to be in their company, even though I may not want to stand beside the two most photogenic people in photos! I have to rep though, someone needs to be blonde.

While I'm obsessing about my stupid ankle, I've learned a very quick way of hustling to the phone each time it rings in hopes it's the hospital telling me about my MRI. (I've watched the cat, I'm learning to be stealth.) I'm still in a great deal of pain every day even though the swelling is almost gone.

I know I'm all fun and games, so why not an anatomy lesson? Ow Ow! No? Not like that? Darn!

At physio this morning, Steph broke out her skeleton model to show me a few things that may be wrong with it now, she's convinced there is bone harm. I don't have a model so I've circled a diagram for you.

This is a right ankle, so picture it inverted, BUT, Steph believes that the Talus bone was jammed up and into the base of the Fibula while I went over on my ankle. This impact could have caused a chip which would result in pain. She calls it "bone kissing". Well at least I'm getting some action. 

The good news is she didn't talk about surgery at all. Something about platelet injection that only two people in Ontario know how to do. Of course, because she's awesome, Steph knows both people who do it. It can get pricey, and of course it isn't covered by OHIP, but she says it's how we fix me. That is, if I do have bone/cartilage damage. I'll just need to keep jumping at the phone when it rings. Fingies crossed for quick healing, but damn I hurt right now!

Heading to a #UFCTweetUp (hash tags and all) tonight at the new "Real Sports" sports bar across from the ACC. I'm not actually a fan of UFC but I'm a fan of networking so here I go to meet some new people, and indulge in a Twitter event.

And the moon is the only light we see

I just poured myself through my front door. It's officially a different day than when I left. It is also officially six weeks since I suffered this stupid injury.

Remember when we started this journey at week 2.5? I was convinced I'd be healed by now. Heck, I was told by the ER doctor, my physio and my trainer that I'd be fixed by now. How comforting is it now that we still don't exactly know what's wrong with me? A loaded question, let me clarify...what's wrong with my ankle!

It was night two of yoga training after getting my requisition sent to St. Joe's for my MRI, and getting hacked at by an overly smiley dental hygienist. I could barely walk up the stairs I was so sleepy, but I managed to stay in the studio for four very sweaty hours.

Remember my pin straight hair? Supposedly it has a very curly mind of it's own in heated rooms.

Look at those pearly whites!

I somehow dragged my ass through a flow class as well. I shouldn't have done it, I was in a lot of pain, and ended up crying on my mat in frustration. Thank goodness for the extreme heat, it just looked like I was sweating instead of being a baby. Unlike last Friday's class there was no positive self talk, all that time was used reminding myself to breathe. I was not connected to anything but my pain and my ankle. It is beyond frustrating when things that I once loved now make me crazy (yoga) or worse, I'm crazy because I can't even attempt things I loved (running).

Crazy or not I managed to get through the 75 min class, so you know what that means:

Do you think emotional distress is worth another $0.50?

I'm going to sleep (read: pass out) tonight because I'm drained on all levels. Baking time in the morning should kill any emotional hangover I may wake up with.