I am in a great deal of pain today, so I've kicked off the left sandal to the dismay of all my coworkers. They were getting excited for me not being barefoot anymore. The UPS guy also gave me a crooked look when I went to the door to sign for a package sans left shoe. He wears brown, really?! Who is he to judge?
I have a visit with Steph tonight and hopefully she has news of when I can get my platelet injections on my ankle. I'm hoping for sooner than later because...um, OW! The nerve that runs down the outside of my leg into my pinky toe has stopped tingling all the time, so I hope that's a good sign. Also, have I mentioned lately that I'm itching to run? And the race I signed up for is two months minus one day? 'Cuz I am, and it is!
I have cut out numerous more saying and photos for my motivational board but decided to be lazy instead of crafting my collage.
I also have not put my star post-it notes plan into action. Instead, I spent my weekend watching lacrosse, staying out far too late, laughing and cuddling on couches. I enjoyed every single moment of it.
I have been doing a lot of reminiscing lately - a quality that jumps out at me in times of distress or trauma - and while on Facebook (oh yeah, add me up!) I found a little story written by my regional trainer when I worked at lululemon. Tricia was so inspiring to me, and when I read this note, I knew this girl was legit.
Written by Tricia Prange, regional trainer, lululemon athletica:
Yesterday morning while I was packing my bag for work something incredible happened. I began my day, as I normally do, running around the house finding everything I need. I pack my lunch and two snacks to give me energy throughout the day. I pack my water bottle because “WATER FLUSHES UNWANTED TOXINS FROM YOUR BODY AND KEEPS YOUR BRAIN SHARP.” And as a Regional Trainer, my brain needs to be sharp…very sharp.
I pack my cell phone and I bring along my computer so I can work on the Subway. That reminds me, I bring my metro pass. I pack my book, so I can de-compress on the ride home. I pack my running shoes to wear on the floor. Just before I am about to leave, I remember it's Friday and time again for my favorite 5 pm Silent Moksha Yoga class. I run up the stairs and grab my trusty Power Y (4 years old), VBT Shorts (Vintage) and my Super Natural Yoga Mat (best grip ever). I do all this packing in about 15 minutes, and head out the door saying the same thing I do morning “I really should have packed the night before.”
I get into the elevator feeling a little heavy, almost as if today I had over packed. Convinced there must be something in the bottom of my bag left over from yesterday I go through my bag once again, and then it hit me. I have felt a little bit heavy almost every morning lately. I then I saw it. Sitting somewhere between my laptop and my lunch were pieces of my past, unresolved and weighing me down. Every single day I fill my bag with everything I need to go out into the world and be the best me I can be, never stopping to notice what else I was carrying around.
It has been approximately a year and a half since I attended Landmark. During the forum I had a difficult time recognizing the role my past played in my future. I felt complete, nothing to resolve, and free to create anything. Or so I thought.
Later that night when I got home, I unpacked my bag. I unpacked my 5th grade gym teacher who told me I would never be fast enough to compete in track and field meet. I unpacked my anger toward my ex-boyfriend who left me after 4 years for someone else. I unpacked my Great Aunt who last summer had told me I had “really gained a few.” And finally I unpacked not being good enough. An act I have been living for far too long.
The next morning I woke up and began packing my bag as usual. I went through my checklist: lunch for energy…check, water to flush toxins…check, cell phone, laptop, metro pass and book to decompress…check, Running shoes for the floor…check, yoga mat… check. Unresolved bits of my past resulting in mediocre life and predicable future… no thanks.
I was lucky enough to spend last night with a friend, a dear dear friend, that makes me forget about all my imperfections. Now that my University days are over, I find I'm no longer surrounded by many males that aren't trying to screw me in some sort of life context. Matt (the dear friend) is one of the few left from the Windsor days. I was the captain of the cheerleading team, he was the quarterback, but that's where our cliche ended. Fast friends, but life long friends.
Oh yes, also a metal drummer. Show them horns.
He now lives in Calgary and was back for a quick visit. I haven't seen Matt in 11 months but seeing him again erased that gap. We drank (a bit too much), caught up on the huge mass of time and carried on like we saw each other the day before. The way Matt talks makes me feel like I am super woman. I can't do anything wrong; I have no flaws. I doubt he even knows he has this power. He is not saying anything special, or anything that isn't true, just makes me look at life and appreciate it in a way no one else can. This is a kind of friend I suggest everyone finds- a kismet that is indescribable. I don't want to knock my army of female friends that are better than air for me. I couldn't get through day-to-day life without them, but as opposite-sex friendships go, this is the tops.
It goes both ways, of course (I'm not that greedy). Since the moment we met, I've always been his #1 fan and personal cheerleader. Having to say goodbye again, for another year, has hurt my heart. Four long hugs, and countless "don't go"'s later I got home at 3:00 a.m. and am beyond sleepy right now. (Don't worry there is a point to this) For at least a short period of time this visit will help me erase my negative self-talk. I will remember the greatness that is me, and rock out like no one's bizz.
Do you have a favourite motivational passage or note? What or who keeps you feeling warm fuzzies inside? Megan has introduced me to Desiderata, another goodie to read over.
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