K-I-C-K-A-S-S...that's the way we spell success

I cried in yoga class again!


There was actually a reason behind it this time (besides my own insanity). I hurt throughout the 60 minute class, which turned into a 75 minute class somehow (yay $2), but at the end of class when I was laying in savasana the instructor grabbed my ankle to give it a shake and move my leg wider. It was so painful and I wasn't expecting it since my eyes were closed. I jumped, gasped, and automatically started with the waterworks. I was in so much shock, and I couldn't calm down. It was five minutes of savasana with tears and a panic attack, pain and hyperventilating; how relaxing! I'm such a piece of work.

Did I also mention that my boobs were trying to suffocate me while I was doing my shoulder stand? Because they were. Clearly the person who invented that pose was a man or a very flat woman.

My love of yoga still hasn't be revived. It was an alright class, but why do I always feel like I need to stretch after a class? Isn't the point of a class to stretch you? I've set a new goal for this week: go to a yoga class on a weekday.

I calmed myself down after about 10 minutes of cleaning and recharged my electrolytes with my new favourite thing.
Vita Coco!

We already knew my love of coconut, but coconut water is something amazing! It has a taste I can't explain or describe, but I'm hooked. I'll have to make a trip to Whole Foods of Planet Organic to see how much they sell it for. The yoga studio is asking me to dish out $3.50 a tetra, which is pretty ridiculous!

In amazing news, my platelet injection got moved from September 7th to today. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Steph? She always seems to be able to re-work things and get things done super fast. This is my kinda person, she understand my sense of urgency and need for getting what I want.

Basically they extract blood from me, spin it in a centrifuge to separate the proteins, and inject those platelets into my ankle to coat the amount of cartilage that has been chipped away. The medical technician inside of me is pretty darn excited. The pain is temporary to fix a very constant existing pain. I will keep you updated on how it goes and how I'm feeling.

The only down side is that I can't jog, dance or skip rope for the next week days. Because I was doing all three of those, right? Not sure where these people are getting their information. If I could do any of those three things I wouldn't need them to poke me with needles. Doctors are so silly!

Alright, I need to hustle. My appointment is in 45 minutes on the other side of town. Wish me luck! I can't wait to remember what a normal left ankle feels like!

Could you wanna take my picture?

HAPPY SATURDAY!!

Draft day is over, and I need much more sleep. I snapped a few beauties last night and since I don't have much time to post (physio, taste of the danforth, sleep) I will leave today with a picture post.
I like photographing people better than buildings, but I work with the models I'm given.
Enjoy!
p.s. Jenn really loves Ace...below is her third photo with him this year!

If I sing a song, will you sing along?

TGIF my bloggies!

It's a beautiful sunny day that starts calm, will explode sometime around 1:00 p.m. and end nicely with the Blue Jays vs. Rays. I'm borrowing Adam - Megan's bf - for the night, giving him back, then going for drinks with the boy yet to be nicknamed. (Lauren, Andrea, we'll need to work on this one. I think Shorty is too obvious. Though I doubt anything will top Kilt Boy or Pinchy.)

I apologize for all those who follow me on Twitter (if you don't, what's your problem?) for the dispersal draft tangent me, Shannon and Julie took today. My other life as a pretend lacrosse GM is shining bright today. The team will be acquiring a few new players since the Orlando team is folding, and the speculation and side dealings are making my blood pressure soar heart race.

Lets get back to the topic at hand. My rehab. I haven't been to physio in over a week and I can tell. My ankle is hurting a bunch. I have an appointment scheduled for Saturday morning, at the exact same time I'm supposed to be at work downtown. This should be interesting. Not actually sure what I'm going to do about it yet. My injection appointment is scheduled for September 7, which won't work at all because it is FAR too far away. I've instructed Steph to work her magic, because even though I've been patient for 11 WEEKS now, I won't be able to hold it together for another four to begin feeling more of an improvement.

I'm ITCHING to run. I actually think my skin may fall off if I don't run soon.And, no, I'm not over exaggerating; I would never do that! Though, possibly a bad idea, I may try a little jog soon to see how I'm feeling. Bondage brace included of course!

I met up with a friend for a much needed coffee break yesterday in the middle of my draft-prep by the lake in Port Credit.

We went for a great long walk but it just didn't do the trick. My need for speed was satisfied for a quick joy ride in his brand new Porche 911 Turbo.

Um, hello! I need this car. It goes 0-100 in less than two seconds. You get thrown into the back of the supple leather seats. I swear I melted a bit. I really like fast! I returned to the office, exhilarated and ready to work some more. It's continued today, I actually need to stop typing soon, because I need to draft me some Orlando boys!

One last thing: Here is where the audience participation part comes into play. You are amazing readers, but are often a bit timid to comment. Not a problem, let's rock some anonymous feedback. Leave a comment, feel free to tweet me or email me (l.bridgman@hotmail.com). I'd love to chat with you.

Bring back that lovin' feelin'

Every muscle, bone, tendon, even space in my body is aching right now. Eoin's (pronounced Ian) superflow class last night was a journey and I'm a bit worse for wear this morning. 

This gorgeous sight in my left knee.

The right one looks similar. I'm feeling pretty mangled, and Megan agreed this morning (via Twitter) that she was moving slowly and also a hurtin' unit.

The class was anything but conventional. We swam like fish and dolphins, we crab-walked, we embraced the ocean inside of us (figuratively and literally, he made us lick our sweaty arm to taste the salt). We were surfers, dude. I think Megan said it best when she told Adam that Eoin could totally give "Dude Lessons" he is the ultimate dude. "I'm so stoked to be back in Toronto. Super stoked." Not to fret Eoin, I was super stoked to have you back too. Especially when you sat on me and rubbed my arms instead of bowing in traditional class ending style.

Though I have personally, I'd also like to publicly thank Megan for coming with me last night. She gives in to my excitements and nurtures my crazy nature. Megan stepped out of her comfort zone for me last night. I'm not sure how I got so lucky...I'm not going to question it, just embrace it. 

I was right when I said last night that my excitement would trump my hurting ankle. It did sting and pulse throughout class, but I pushed it aside. Oh, the power of a positive mind!

Giving myself the time to go to this class, (and be silly and use my muscles and stretch) made me realize one thing. I've been neglecting me again, a trend (just like lack of sleep) that is all too familiar.

Remember those jeans I posted on my bedroom door as motivation? They are still hanging there and not fitting any better. I've stoppd loving to cook and bake, and working out is becoming a chore. I've stopped loving yoga, and stopped loving weight training. This girl needs to shake it up a bit to start getting back that lost loving feeling. (sigh, the Righteous Brothers - I'm loving oldies right now).

Megan and I had a foodie discussion last night after yoga class as I was CRAVING a pita. Don't ask me why, I'm not sure I've had one since The Pita Grill in Windsor.

Let me digress: Any place that serves remotely healthy food, that is open till 3:30 a.m. on a bar night, and is located on my walk home was heaven to me. Then make the food delicious (even when sober) and it was my Cloud 9.

p.s. No, I didn't get my pita. Couldn't find an open place at 11:00 p.m.

Now back to the point, we talked about the importance of eating REAL food. Both of us agree that the occasional fake thing, or processed item isn't the end of the world, but when given the choice we'd much rather chow down on clean, raw, real food then fake cheese and chemical laden goods.

That only means one thing: I need to get back to cooking, and fast! I spent a good amount of time in the kitchen this morning preparing my food while sipping on a full mug of warm water with lemon.

For breakfast I had what I'm lovingly calling my Kitchen Sink Smoothie. This puppy had just about everything I could find thrown into it. There was no real measuring just playing. So the measurements below are all approximations.

Kitchen Sink Smoothie:
1 tbsp Omega-3 Fish oil
1 tsp acidophilus powder (layman's terms: ground up dead people - a very powerful pro-biotic)
1 medium banana
1/3 cup almond milk
1/3 cup POM juice
2 pineapple-stawberry popsicles
1/3 cup fresh blueberries
2 scoops of Ultra-Meal vanilla flavour protein powder

I think that is all. I was aiming for a green monster, but had no greens so I fished around the fridge and freezer to make that delicious concoction.

I love how fresh blueberries make it all speckled!

I have a bunch of chunks of pineapple for a snack, a messful of salad and a bit of veal cutlet for lunch, and a handful of macadamia nuts for the afternoon snack. Currently, I am very proud of myself. Day 2 is the next triumph and I'm headed back to Whitby for the next two days so planning meals will be VERY crucial. There is an Extreme Pita across the street from the arena, though. I may have to go and get that pita craving under wraps - pun intended - one day for lunch.

that's why she'll be back again

Hi lovies! I've missed you in about a week. Happy August!

This again will be a short post. It has been such a crazy time between work events, and sanity, boys and friends. My social life is improving but I'm not sleeping much. This is always my problem. Balance isn't my best trait.

Since we talked I've celebrated Megan's birthday, visited with Lori and Lauren, worked all weekend in Whitby at the OLA Festival and ditched it all for some me time. 

I took a little escape from my beloved city over the civic holiday to recharge a bit, think and enjoy some sunshine and some family time.

You really can't beat it a sunny patio that over looks the most gorgeous watery view. I tried my hardest to appreciate at it as much as possible, but just ended up falling asleep. What can I say? I was really relaxed.

 This is the first time I've visited our family cottage. My mother has been hounding me for over a month to come see it. I'm glad I did. She has spent most of the summer there, and it was nice to have some quality time with her and the puppy again.

I've had a lot of pain in my ankle this weekend, and tried to get in to see Steph today but she didn't have any mid-day openings and 5:00 p.m. will just not do; I have a very important date tonight. Megan and I are continuing our yoga girlie date nights, and tonight's class feature the ever-so-fabulous Eoin Finn. Haven't heard of him? I'm not sure we can be friends anymore!

I was introduced to Eoin's style of yoga when I worked at lululemon athletica. I started with one of his DVD's and fell into bliss automatically. He is just an amazing personality - sweet and positive - and exudes sex. It's not his appearance, it is just his presence. He is something else. Back in March I took a weekend workshop with him and expanded my practice to whole new levels. Tonight, Eoin is back in Ontario (originally from B.C.) and teaching a two hour Superflow class. I. Can't. Wait.

I hope to check in tonight or early tomorrow to let ya'll know how I get through the class. I'll hopefully learn something new instead of just perv'ing out in the corner over Eoin. The hurting ankle should be a hindrance, but the excitement I have may take over.

Short Skirt, Long Jacket

After going to watch Love, Loss and What I Wore with Shannon on Tuesday night I thought a lot about how I also remember significant events through my outfits. People always talk about where they were when an event happened, like the moon landing, or a president being shot, or their favourite team winning a championship. Not me, I'm not sure where I was, but I do know what was on my back...and on my feet!

I remember what I wore to each of my big job interviews. With the Rock I wore a black tank style dress that was narrow to the knee with a fabulous teal and gold scarf, no jewelry and black May Jane's. To my OUA interview I wore a black dress shirt with a white pencil skirt that dawned a orange and brown pattern, accented with gold jewelry and beige pumps. When I interviewed with the Athletic Department in Windsor I wore a red and white floral skirt with a black three-quarter length cotton tee and flip flops. (I didn't know it was an interview, I thought I was talking about my cheerleading team, big surprise).

I remember what I wore to each of the 19 Toronto Rock games this past season. I'm happy to say I only recycled a skirt once, and wore it with a different top. I also travel with 26 men, so if I wore a paper bag they wouldn't notice - unless it has cleavage then I get a comment - or on Valentine's when one of the rookies thought I dressed up for them. Granted I looked hot and wore red lipstick, but I ended up having a producer feel up my leg unwanted, backfire.

I remember the skirts I wore when I took ballroom lessons with an ex, the black and white polkadots I was draped in when he asked me out, and the black luon lululemon dress I was wearing when we broke up.

I remember the hot pink corduroy skirt, black DC baby-tee and vans skate shoes I wore to my first Heroes For Sale concert at Masonic Lodge, accessorized with a black studded belt worn low on the hips and a mess-full of homemade jewelry. 

I remember what I was wearing when I destroyed my ankle, I even have photo evidence of it.

I don't think I'll be able to look back at this year's showcase with fond memories of much. The pretty dances, the great cheering section I had, will all be over shadowed by this stupid injury.

It wouldn't be a 10 week hurt-aversary without talk of the ankle, so I'll give you all what you're waiting for. The bondage brace is semi-retired. My pain is mostly localized to where the condyle lesion is, which makes sense because everything else is healing...slowly....which only leaves the exposed bone to hurt. I still wear the brace when I go on long walks and when I begin to run again it will be snugly secured.

I don't know when my first injection appointment is yet, but Steph is thinking next week some time. I hope it gets done that fast, so I can get back on the road. I'm so excited (read: scared to death) about the Toronto Waterfront 5km, that I want to burst out my door everyday and hustle to it.

Happy to report that my "body and soul" tasks of my rehab are coming along great as well.

I've been at the yoga studio every Sunday, and my progress and balance are coming along just fine. I am a cleaning machine, and an very thankful for the person who invented Swiffer cloths. I need to take more advantage of the free classes because once a week isn't cutting it for me. I'll have to work out my workout schedule again, there must be some spare time in there hiding.

I had my one-on-one interview with Big Sisters today and found out all the next steps about how I get matched with my "little". It still looks like it is going to take more time, but with over 300 children waiting to be matched up, I know I am going to find the perfect match. A friendship waiting to happen, and I promise I won't corrupt her.

I also went to see Jersey Boys for the third time last night with the family. Gosh I love theatre and that show brings back such funny memories with Sister. I can't say it struck any cords in my writing, but it did encourage dessert consumption.

Yum!

Just don't stand there, say nice things to me

Greeting from the girl with one shoe on! Better strap yourself in, this one's a long one.

I am in a great deal of pain today, so I've kicked off the left sandal to the dismay of all my coworkers. They were getting excited for me not being barefoot anymore. The UPS guy also gave me a crooked look when I went to the door to sign for a package sans left shoe. He wears brown, really?! Who is he to judge?

I have a visit with Steph tonight and hopefully she has news of when I can get my platelet injections on my ankle. I'm hoping for sooner than later because...um, OW! The nerve that runs down the outside of my leg into my pinky toe has stopped tingling all the time, so I hope that's a good sign. Also, have I mentioned lately that I'm itching to run? And the race I signed up for is two months minus one day? 'Cuz I am, and it is!

I have cut out numerous more saying and photos for my motivational board but decided to be lazy instead of crafting my collage. 

 

I also have not put my star post-it notes plan into action. Instead, I spent my weekend watching lacrosse, staying out far too late, laughing and cuddling on couches. I enjoyed every single moment of it.

I have been doing a lot of reminiscing lately - a quality that jumps out at me in times of distress or trauma - and while on Facebook (oh yeah, add me up!) I found a little story written by my regional trainer when I worked at lululemon. Tricia was so inspiring to me, and when I read this note, I knew this girl was legit.

Written by Tricia Prange, regional trainer, lululemon athletica:

Yesterday morning while I was packing my bag for work something incredible happened. I began my day, as I normally do, running around the house finding everything I need. I pack my lunch and two snacks to give me energy throughout the day. I pack my water bottle because “WATER FLUSHES UNWANTED TOXINS FROM YOUR BODY AND KEEPS YOUR BRAIN SHARP.” And as a Regional Trainer, my brain needs to be sharp…very sharp.

I pack my cell phone and I bring along my computer so I can work on the Subway. That reminds me, I bring my metro pass. I pack my book, so I can de-compress on the ride home. I pack my running shoes to wear on the floor. Just before I am about to leave, I remember it's Friday and time again for my favorite 5 pm Silent Moksha Yoga class. I run up the stairs and grab my trusty Power Y (4 years old), VBT Shorts (Vintage) and my Super Natural Yoga Mat (best grip ever). I do all this packing in about 15 minutes, and head out the door saying the same thing I do morning “I really should have packed the night before.”

I get into the elevator feeling a little heavy, almost as if today I had over packed. Convinced there must be something in the bottom of my bag left over from yesterday I go through my bag once again, and then it hit me. I have felt a little bit heavy almost every morning lately. I then I saw it. Sitting somewhere between my laptop and my lunch were pieces of my past, unresolved and weighing me down. Every single day I fill my bag with everything I need to go out into the world and be the best me I can be, never stopping to notice what else I was carrying around.

It has been approximately a year and a half since I attended Landmark. During the forum I had a difficult time recognizing the role my past played in my future. I felt complete, nothing to resolve, and free to create anything. Or so I thought.

Later that night when I got home, I unpacked my bag. I unpacked my 5th grade gym teacher who told me I would never be fast enough to compete in track and field meet. I unpacked my anger toward my ex-boyfriend who left me after 4 years for someone else. I unpacked my Great Aunt who last summer had told me I had “really gained a few.” And finally I unpacked not being good enough. An act I have been living for far too long.

The next morning I woke up and began packing my bag as usual. I went through my checklist: lunch for energy…check, water to flush toxins…check, cell phone, laptop, metro pass and book to decompress…check, Running shoes for the floor…check, yoga mat… check. Unresolved bits of my past resulting in mediocre life and predicable future… no thanks.

I still get shivers reading through that. I can't even begin to count how many times I've re-read that note then thanked Tricia for sharing. I am my hardest critic as I'm sure we all are. Nothing I do will ever be good enough in my own opinion; a perfectionist with a horrible sense of self-doubt.

I was lucky enough to spend last night with a friend, a dear dear friend, that makes me forget about all my imperfections. Now that my University days are over, I find I'm no longer surrounded by many males that aren't trying to screw me in some sort of life context. Matt (the dear friend) is one of the few left from the Windsor days. I was the captain of the cheerleading team, he was the quarterback, but that's where our cliche ended. Fast friends, but life long friends.

Oh yes, also a metal drummer. Show them horns.

He now lives in Calgary and was back for a quick visit. I haven't seen Matt in 11 months but seeing him again erased that gap. We drank (a bit too much), caught up on the huge mass of time and carried on like we saw each other the day before. The way Matt talks makes me feel like I am super woman. I can't do anything wrong; I have no flaws. I doubt he even knows he has this power. He is not saying anything special, or anything that isn't true, just makes me look at life and appreciate it in a way no one else can. This is a kind of friend I suggest everyone finds- a kismet that is indescribable. I don't want to knock my army of female friends that are better than air for me. I couldn't get through day-to-day life without them, but as opposite-sex friendships go, this is the tops.

It goes both ways, of course (I'm not that greedy). Since the moment we met, I've always been his #1 fan and personal cheerleader. Having to say goodbye again, for another year, has hurt my heart. Four long hugs, and countless "don't go"'s later I got home at 3:00 a.m. and am beyond sleepy right now. (Don't worry there is a point to this) For at least a short period of time this visit will help me erase my negative self-talk. I will remember the greatness that is me, and rock out like no one's bizz.

Do you have a favourite motivational passage or note? What or who keeps you feeling warm fuzzies inside? Megan has introduced me to Desiderata, another goodie to read over.